Remember that spaghetti scene from "Lady and the Tramp?"

Who doesn't love pizza?  I know I do!  And we all know Jughead does!  And so do his pals Archie and Reggie (well, the latter is more of a frenemy, actually)!  So much so that they take advantage of Jug's unfortunate accident!  Read what happens next in "Pizza Pirates."

Don't you just hate it when that happens?  You buy a pizza, you rush to get it home, and you trip on a curb while holding the pizza sending it airborne?

Yee-uck!  It landed on Archie's head!  But does that stop Archie and his scheming pal Reggie from making off with Jug's pizza?  No way!  Even with the lack of utensils, Archie and Reggie start munching down on their newly-acquired sphere of yumminess!  Wonder if they'll lock lips after they finish all that pizza!  So which one is Lady and which is the Tramp?

That's some nose you have there, Jug!  You think you'll be able to recover your pizza?  You sure you want to?  It might have landed on a pile of dog poo!

Nope!  He spots Archie and Reggie picking their teeth and rubbing their bellies (their own, that is), putting two and two together!

A starving man's mouth?  C'mon, Jug, stop being such a drama queen!  Sally Struthers won't be raising money for you anytime soon!  For those of you going "who?," here you go:

You're welcome!  Now back to the story!

Pops should know better!  I don't think his business insurance will cover a customer who comes behind the counter to prepare his own food!  And I don't know the health code laws in Riverdale, but I'm sure Jughead would need a foodhandler's card to work in a commercial kitchen  Pops, you're setting yourself up for all kinds of trouble just because you didn't want to say "no" to a customer!

Do Archie and Reggie have nothing else better to do than to spy on Jug through a fence knothole?  And can they finish another large pizza just moments after gobbling down the first one?  Get a life, guys!

Geez, the things we Americans ingest!  Artificial flavoring in soda, rodent hairs in cans of chili, mucilage in pizza sauce...WHEN WILL IT END???  For Archie and Reggie, those guys may never eat pizza or anything else again!  Get ready for it!!!!

Not only will these guys have to be fed intravenously for at least a short while, but now the whole town will be talking about their supposed "relationship." Yeah, I know they're not "that way," but it's still weird that they didn't find time to hunt down a knife and paper plates, at least.  Not much chance, though, of them ending up like this:

OK, that's it for today!  Join us next time when we take a ride on the Love Boat...well, not really!  You'll see what I mean!

Excelsior!