Tuesday, December 12, 2017

We can't call them "midgets" anymore?

According to Charlie's teacher in the film "The Santa Clause," we're suppose to call them "little people."

Personally, I'd use the term "dwarf" or "munchkin," but that's just me being my non-PC self.

Anyway, did you know Little Dot, that sphere-obsessed moppet from the now-defunct Harvey Comics, has uncles and aunts?  A lot of 'em!  I mean, A LOT!!!  So many that Mormon families would go "Damn, that girl has a huge extended family!"

If you've ever read Harvey titles before (whether it be "Little Dot" or "Richie Rich", the latter's titles becoming home to Dot [and Little Lotta] reprints ever since her titles got cancelled, but I digress), you've likely come across stories with Dot visiting various family members who may or may not be siblings of Mr. or Mrs. Polka.  And, almost always, said aunt or uncle's name is indicative of that relative's dominant personality or physical trait.

In a post I did a while back (click HERE if you want to have a look), Dot visited her Uncle Branes, the inventor/scientist.  A number of stories feature him as well as her Uncle Rush (man's always in a hurry!).

But this post will feature a relative that only early 60s Harvey could get away with.  Definitely wouldn't fly in today's social climate.  OK, I won't keep you in suspense any longer; Little Dot gets paid a visit by her "Uncle Midget!"


Yep, there it is!  One of probably a few time throughout comic book history will you ever see a character with the word "midget" in its moniker.  By the way, that's not her uncle sitting on her lap!  Read on!


Or it could be one of the voices in your head.  Don't you see why your parents are so concerned with your dot obsession? You might be losing your marbles (yes, I know, marbles are dots. Whatever!).


Hey, it's a fun-size Reggie Van Dough!  I wonder if her Uncle Branes was doing some cloning experiments with Reggie's DNA (hey, he probably has connections with Rich Labs).

Hey, how did he get in the house, anyway?  Parents are likely not home and no one knocked or rang the doorbell.  Doggie door, maybe?


Wow, it's like Grand Central Station at the Polka house! Friends and relatives just show up out of the blue unannounced.  Lotta probably wants to raid the Polka fridge or something!  Midget is looking at Dot's obese friend like "please don't eat me!"

                           

I guess Lotta's hunger pangs(?!?) makes her oblivious to the fact that the "dummy" is alive and breathing.  Or maybe she's the real dummy!


Well, that was a short visit, Lotta!  Yeah, time's a-wasting; that fridge ain't gonna raid itself!

Both Midget and Dot have a good laugh over how clueless Lotta is.  They're probably thinking the same thing Red Forman here is thinking:


And now Dot can put aside learning ventriloquism in time for the show!  Midget to the rescue!



I really wouldn't call a charity show in a podunk like Bonnie Dell (the town) "show business." It barely counts as community theater, but whatever...


What, no audition?  This charity must be desperate for acts!  I could probably get a spot on this show playing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" with my armpits!


Who knew Dot could ad lib on the spot?  She take improv classes or something?


The "dummy" IS really talking!  Maybe when your head clears from the three Cosmos you had before the show you'll see the "dummy" is flesh and blood.


I don't know what's worse; the phallic props they're using in the act or the lack of detectives in the audience!  The red-haired bespectacled guy is on the right track but then derails...


"HI, MOUSKETEERS!"



"HEY!!!  THAT'S NO DUMMY, THAT'S A MIDGET!"


You sure, Midget?  Maybe they're laughing AT you now!  Like Eric Cartman:



And so we close this first (and probably last) story of Dot's Uncle Midget.  Dot was clearly too young to leave school and hit the road with her diminutive uncle.  Besides, not much of a market for midgets posing as ventriloquist dummies.  Not to worry, though; midget tossing would become a thing in about two decades.  In the meantime, he can get an agent to help him land roles as an elf, a leprechaun, or Mickey Rooney's stunt double.

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That's it for now!  I'll try to have another post right before Christmas Day!  If not, I want to wish all you loyal fans a Merry Christmas (or Happy Hannukah for our Jewish fans!) and a Happy New Year!

Excelsior!

Alan