I know, I know! It's been several months since my last post. So busy with work and my entrepreneurial projects that I haven't had much time for this blog. But I'm hoping to change that. I'm back and anxious to dive right in!
Anyone remember Cabbage Patch Kids? Kids from the early 80s (little girls in particular) considered them the hot toys to have Santa bring them for Christmas! Not sure what they are? Here's a classic commercial; enjoy!
Yes, they actually came with adoption papers and a diaper! Why? OK, I guess the papers would give young moppets the fantasy of actually adopting a child without the hassle of adoption agencies, court proceedings, etc.. But a diaper? Come on! It's not Betsy Wetsy!
But enough of the rambling! If you're interested in learning more about these toy oddities, feel free to utilize Google. For now, we look at this brief tale from the anthology title Tales Of Terror. Issue #5 cover dated March 1986 from the now-defunct Eclipse Comics. Obviously the title was their tribute/ripoff of EC horror comics of the 1950s, which were far superior.
If you're expecting the Crypt Keeper to provide introduction, you've just been disappointed! Sorry! So let's join this Cabbage Patch-inspired, regularly-scheduled tale already in progress! Presenting "Every Home Should Have One" (Oooooookayyyeee?).
Ya think so, lady? Mr. Potato Head could be considered "cute" too if this is the standard you go by.
Hey, you take your chances when you shop at a flea market. You have no idea where these dolls have been! Just hope that these Cabbage Patch dolls are not cheap bootlegs from Hong Kong stuffed with used bloody medical gauze bandages (yes, this sort of thing has happened before!).
Why? Is Alicia being punished for some reason?
Of course it feels a little strange! It's a creepy-looking doll that became popular several years before Chucky hit the big screen! But just like the people who insisted on staying in that house in Amityville, NY even when ghostly voices told them to "GET OUT!", you're still going ignore your instincts and present this thing as a gift to your only child instead of chucking it out the car window! We already know this isn't going to end well!
Yeah, Mommy, she loves it! Kids growing up in the 80s sure had strange taste in toys, didn't they?
Alicia has obviously outgrown her crib, but yet it's still in her room? Don't these people have an attic? A basement?
Ooooo, the moon is full! Already we have a tell-tale sign that things are about to get terrifying! And now the crib has a few broken bars! No one heard this? Not even the scraping at the window? BTW, sound effects must have been outsourced to Harvey Comics (hey, they had to have SOME cash flow while on hiatus around this time while awaiting the outcome of their lawsuit against Columbia Pictures),
Alicia must be a deep sleeper! Doesn't even hear the window-scraping from all those demonic-looking dolls outside her window!
Too late, Alicia! The mole that your mother unknowingly brought into the house has made it possible for you to be kidnapped....by Cabbage Patch Kids! Let that sink in!
Notice the pause that the guy gives! I'm not sure if he's her father, step-dad, or one of a long line of "uncles", but he seems annoyed that he has to jump out of bed to either put her back in bed or have her sleep in the crib for the night. Hey, maybe that's why the crib was still in her room!
Yes, the doll is missing, too....AS USUAL! Geez, great detective work there, Serpico! Did it every occur to you guys to question parents as to where they got these dolls? It might provide a clue! But no, as long as you remain clueless, you'll continue to respond to calls from sobbing parents as demon-possessed Cabbage Patch Kids make off with the town's children one by one!
So that's how the story ends? With a bound-and-gagged Alicia being lowered into a hole in the ground that's sealed by an evil-looking, sharp-toothed doll? What will become of her? Are these evil Cabbage Patch Kids in league with Santa? Hmmmm....could be!
Perhaps this below is the fate that awaits Alicia!
But we'll never know, perhaps because the writer painted himself into a corner or was facing a deadline!
MORAL OF THE STORY: Stay the hell away from Cabbage Patch Kids, especially if being sold second-hand by some creepy old lady at a flea market!
So that's it for this installment! I'll try to have a few more done by New Year's at least! Till next time...