Ever wanted to run your own business? Didn't go to business school and you're not sure how to start? No problem! You don't have to get a useless business degree; Archie Andrews and his dimwitted pal Moose Mason can get your business off to a running and successful start!
Are they hawking some kind of business kit you can only purchase at 3 in the morning on some lame infomercial? Nope! All you have to do is scan the story below and business success could be yours!!!
Seriously, though, it's probably best you don't apply their techniques to a real-life business; this is a comic book story, after all. And if you think it's because they dropped out of school, no, that didn't happen. Archie and friends are still in high school after nearly 80 years! Anyway, Archie and Moose end up running Pop Tate's Chock'lit Shoppe when Pop comes down with a severe cold. Can they keep the soda shop up and running or will they run it into the ground? Why not check out "Nothing To Sneeze At" and see?
Glassware? I'd be more concerned with with the germs he's spreading. The shop is now a giant petri dish ready to attract hungry and thirsty teenagers.
Oh, please! What competition? It's Riverdale, not LA! Did they just open an In'n'Out Burger around the corner? A Jack-In-The-Box? Go home already!
Really profound statement there, Pops! Do you want that carved on your tombstone? If you don't take Arch's advice, it could happen sooner than you think!
About time you threw in your two cents there, Moose! Affirmative with a "D'UH!" thrown in for good measure! Sharp as a tack, that Moose!
Pop would never think that Archie and Moose would skim the till or even rob him blind! But does Archie have another agenda in mind, being so adamant when trying to get Pop to go home? Ever see that movie "The Founder"?
Yeah, because you'd have to go home anyway if the health inspector makes a surprise visit! Not so much because you're ill but because of that severed pig's head you have in your walk-in cooler!
Now that the old man is recovering at home, time for Archie and Moose to remake the Chok'lit Shoppe in their image. Archie puts a sign in the window; "Help Wanted - Hot Girls Strongly Urged To Apply!" Just kidding!
Archie better keep a straight face, though; Moose might pop him one if he snickers over Moose referring to himself as a "jerk!"
Not off to a good start, I see; Moose accidentally tosses ice cream on his dad's head! Well, no, that's probably not his dad, but what's a middle-aged businessman doing at a teen hangout? Hmmm....
What do you do? GO OUTSIDE before you bankrupt the place!
That's right, look at his eyes! Moose is going all David Banner on your asses! You might not like what's going to happen next!
Good thing Moose is not a Jehovah's Witness! Or an Amway distributor! Copies of "Awake" and bottles of G&H hand soap would become staples in many Riverdale households.
Oh, nice going, Moose! Now Archie is seriously in the weeds! A little help here, if you don't mind!
Man, that is depressing! You don't have family? Friends? Just your shop? If you do try to go back to work now, it probably WILL kill you! Think about it!
It's great that business is booming, but as long as you're there, Pop, the guys could use a hand.
Oh, right, the "spreading the disease" thing...
So Pop is back home in bed, cup of hot tea with honey and lemon in hand while watching what appears to be "Gunsmoke" or "The Virginian" on the tube, secure in the knowledge that he won't end up in financial ruin with Archie and Moose running things.
But, Pop, I wouldn't get your hopes up about having a "lingering illness;" aside from the fact that you don't want to feel like crap for a lengthy period of time, the guys still have to go to school. Sure they may be on Christmas break at the moment, but that's not going to last forever. And their parental units aren't going to allow them to skip school just to run your business!
In any event, get well soon, Pops!
That's gonna do it for this post! My new website, www.comiccollecting101.com, will go LIVE in mere weeks! I'm looking at late Jan./early Feb. for its debut. If you'd like updates, you can shoot me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Excelsior!!!