We can't call them "midgets" anymore?

According to Charlie's teacher in the film "The Santa Clause," we're suppose to call them "little people."

Personally, I'd use the term "dwarf" or "munchkin," but that's just me being my non-PC self.

Anyway, did you know Little Dot, that sphere-obsessed moppet from the now-defunct Harvey Comics, has uncles and aunts?  A lot of 'em!  I mean, A LOT!!!  So many that Mormon families would go "Damn, that girl has a huge extended family!"

If you've ever read Harvey titles before (whether it be "Little Dot" or "Richie Rich", the latter's titles becoming home to Dot [and Little Lotta] reprints ever since her titles got cancelled, but I digress), you've likely come across stories with Dot visiting various family members who may or may not be siblings of Mr. or Mrs. Polka.  And, almost always, said aunt or uncle's name is indicative of that relative's dominant personality or physical trait.

In a post I did a while back (click HERE if you want to have a look), Dot visited her Uncle Branes, the inventor/scientist.  A number of stories feature him as well as her Uncle Rush (man's always in a hurry!).

But this post will feature a relative that only early 60s Harvey could get away with.  Definitely wouldn't fly in today's social climate.  OK, I won't keep you in suspense any longer; Little Dot gets paid a visit by her "Uncle Midget!"

Yep, there it is!  One of probably a few time throughout comic book history will you ever see a character with the word "midget" in its moniker.  By the way, that's not her uncle sitting on her lap!  Read on!

Or it could be one of the voices in your head.  Don't you see why your parents are so concerned with your dot obsession? You might be losing your marbles (yes, I know, marbles are dots. Whatever!).

Hey, it's a fun-size Reggie Van Dough!  I wonder if her Uncle Branes was doing some cloning experiments with Reggie's DNA (hey, he probably has connections with Rich Labs).

Hey, how did he get in the house, anyway?  Parents are likely not home and no one knocked or rang the doorbell.  Doggie door, maybe?

Wow, it's like Grand Central Station at the Polka house! Friends and relatives just show up out of the blue unannounced.  Lotta probably wants to raid the Polka fridge or something!  Midget is looking at Dot's obese friend like "please don't eat me!"

                           

I guess Lotta's hunger pangs(?!?) makes her oblivious to the fact that the "dummy" is alive and breathing.  Or maybe she's the real dummy!

Well, that was a short visit, Lotta!  Yeah, time's a-wasting; that fridge ain't gonna raid itself!

Both Midget and Dot have a good laugh over how clueless Lotta is.  They're probably thinking the same thing Red Forman here is thinking:

And now Dot can put aside learning ventriloquism in time for the show!  Midget to the rescue!

I really wouldn't call a charity show in a podunk like Bonnie Dell (the town) "show business." It barely counts as community theater, but whatever...

What, no audition?  This charity must be desperate for acts!  I could probably get a spot on this show playing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" with my armpits!

Who knew Dot could ad lib on the spot?  She take improv classes or something?

The "dummy" IS really talking!  Maybe when your head clears from the three Cosmos you had before the show you'll see the "dummy" is flesh and blood.

I don't know what's worse; the phallic props they're using in the act or the lack of detectives in the audience!  The red-haired bespectacled guy is on the right track but then derails...

"HI, MOUSKETEERS!"

"HEY!!!  THAT'S NO DUMMY, THAT'S A MIDGET!"

You sure, Midget?  Maybe they're laughing AT you now!  Like Eric Cartman:

And so we close this first (and probably last) story of Dot's Uncle Midget.  Dot was clearly too young to leave school and hit the road with her diminutive uncle.  Besides, not much of a market for midgets posing as ventriloquist dummies.  Not to worry, though; midget tossing would become a thing in about two decades.  In the meantime, he can get an agent to help him land roles as an elf, a leprechaun, or Mickey Rooney's stunt double.

_______________________________________________________

That's it for now!  I'll try to have another post right before Christmas Day!  If not, I want to wish all you loyal fans a Merry Christmas (or Happy Hannukah for our Jewish fans!) and a Happy New Year!

Excelsior!

Alan

No air pump required!

I mentioned at the end of the last post that I'd feature Mayda Munny in the next, which is what you're reading right now.  Unfortunately, I was unable to find the issue which the particular story was in.  So until I am able to hunt it down, I'll have to postpone it for a future post.

In the meantime, I am featuring another Mayda Munny tale!  Yet again, Mayda schemes to drive a wedge between Richie and Gloria in the hopes she can catch him on the rebound.  What's she planning now?  And will it work this time?  Well, let's all find out in "What A Doll!"

Our story opens with a stock delivery man bringing Mini-Cher...er, I mean, Mayda a life-size replica of Richie Rich.  What a perfect copy, macrocephalic cabeza and all!

Oooookayyy, this whole setup is weird.  I'm getting the feeling that if Mayda can't have the real Richie, a cotton-filled replica will do?  I don't even want to think what her plans are for her newly-acquired "doll"!!!

Ooooh, now I get it!  She's using the doll as a prop to make Gloria think Richie's dumped her and is now hooking up with Mayda!  For all the money Mayda spent on her toy boy, it better be life-like!

Yeah, Gloria might think Richie's trip was a ruse, seeing as that he didn't even invite her to come along!

Yeah, Mayda, you're a doll, I suppose....kinda like this one pictured below!

Yep!

Hurry, Mayda, before she turns into that alley!

Hey, wait...GLORIA!!!  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???  Going down a dark alley by yourself???

And Mayda doesn't know any better either!  Never mind passing Gloria; do you really want to take a chance on getting mugged???

Oh, darn, another obstacle!  Mayda just can't catch a break!

Or just use the sidewalk and go around!  That scooter can't be very big!  Sheesh!

Yeah, if a 12-year-old girl is flashing a wad of cash from about 15 feet away, it's kinda hard to take her seriously!  I mean, it might be play money...or Canadian currency.  That kinda looks like something out of a Monopoly box!

And it's understandable that he thinks her "boyfriend" is simple; just look at that stupid grin and vacant stare!

And yet another obstacle, this time in the form of a burly police officer bellowing at her to knock off the horn blowing in a hospital zone!  Not that the patients mind a policeman barking at loud motorists, no sir!

One thing positive I will say about Mayda; at least she respects and obeys authority figures!

Eyes forward and on the road, Mayda!!!  Oops, too late!  She just totaled that guy's greenery!

And, sir, you should be more upset about that destroyed bush; she really didn't do much to your lawn, unless she decides to do a few donuts just to piss you off even more!

So now all those obstacles are behind her, Mayda has one last chance!

But what's this???  Richie's back from his European trip!  But he called Gloria from the airport to meet him in front of a DRUGSTORE???  Why didn't you send a limo to pick her up, Richie, ol' boy?  I'm sure she wouldn't mind greeting you when you got off the plane!  It's bad enough you didn't bring her with you on the trip!  And don't tell me it was a "business" trip; I wouldn't buy it!

And while Richie and Gloria are making goo-goo eyes at each other, Mayda is about to wheel into an awkward moment, but to her relief, she lost the Richie doll at some point.

OK, awkward moment restored!!! A good Samaritan in a really hideous leisure suit (even by 70s standards) graciously returns Mayda's toy boy to her, much to the horror of her would-be boyfriend and her rival.  They're both like "What the hell???"

If I were Mayda, I'd hightail it out of there and cease all contact with Richie and Gloria...at least for a year or two.  They probably think you're some kind of freak, driving around with a Richie replica and all!  How embarrassing!

________________________________________________________________________

That's a wrap for this post!  Next week (yes, NEXT WEEK, believe it or not), we'll drop in on Mega City One in the far-flung future of law enforcement courtesy of Judge Dredd.  When you see the next post, the film "Idiocracy" will probably come to mind.  See you then!

Excelsior!

Alan

It's enough to drive anyone dotty!

In this installment of Funny Book Funnies, we look in once again on that sphere-obsessed moppet, Dot Polka.  Whose idea was this, anyway?  Was there some brainstorming meeting within the offices of Harvey Comics sometime in the early 50s?  I'd really like to know who thought it would be a great idea to feature a little girl devoted to all things dotted and spotted in her own comic book (not to mention several other eventual titles with the "Little Dot" moniker).  Was Dot based on an actual real-life child?  If anyone can provide some insight, please feel free to comment below.

In the meantime, here's Little Dot in "Dot's Dandy" (already starting with the bad puns out of the gate!).

I'm not sure what's bugging Mr. Polka more; his daughter bringing up the subject of dots yet again or the fact that Dot is putting Swiss cheese on her pie!  Quiche I can understand, but PIE???  Yechhh!!!

And who has pie for breakfast?  Again, quiche would probably be more suitable to break one's fast.  At least it's not cold pizza with anchovies!  Double Yechhh!!!

Mr. Polka's tantrum seems to be a staple of most adult Harvey characters; grown men stamping their feet and flailing their arms when upset about something.  It's sorta comical, I guess.

I don't think your scheme to cure Dot of her obsession is going to work, Polka.  If anyone's going to be sick of dots, it's going to be you and the missus.  More sick than you are now, that is!  But Mrs. Polka is all in; just look at that expression on her face!

Oh, yes, please, Mrs. Polka; don't let the important task of baking a cake get in the way of curing your daughter's obsession.  It's the only way you can win money for a new hat.  Apparently hubbykins didn't get that raise, then you wouldn't have to try and win baking contests to have nice things!

Or maybe Daddy has a mistress he's keeping in an apartment he's renting for her in town.  No wonder he can't afford to buy his wife a new hat!

And Mom starts the plan off with a pun "Dot's" not very funny, lady!

Now what are her parents REALLY up to?  Looks like her mother is using Dot's enthusiasm for dots to get some cheap labor out of her!

So first we have pie for breakfast and now eggs for lunch! I suppose it's faster and cheaper than calling for pizza delivery!

Yeah, Dot, hurry up! You've got only a few more hours of daylight to be exploited some more!

If you look really, really hard, you can see dots in just about everything! Eventually you'll see them before your eyes without even trying!

So how are you going to refer to your daughter, Mrs. Polka? I suppose "Dorothy" is not out of the question (it is, after all, her given name).

Probably not a good idea, Dot; the cake will taste funny seeing as you put fully-baked cookies into a bowl of raw cake dough. Then there's the concern over salmonella...

Is it really your mom's cake, Dot?  You did most of the work!  Anyway, good luck!

So Dot had to come up with a name of the cake on the spot!  Not bad!  You don't even have to give your mom credit for the cake, unless there's some kind of age restriction!

Mr. Polka has returned from the "office" and is greeted by new decor.  Looks like Dot is going to have a switch taken to her backside!  OR WILL SHE???

Hey, Polka, guess what?  Your plan backfired and now your daughter has managed to convert your wife/her mother to the cult of Dotism!  Yes, Dot Polka will likely go on to have found a new religion called Dotism!  

Wow, that's some baking contest! First prize is 500 bucks???  Looks like Mrs. Polka was able to afford a new hat AND a new wardrobe as well!

So Mr. Polka has quite the dilemma!  Both his wife and daughter have an obsession with dots. Maybe it's time to move in with his mistress or start to amass a stack of therapy bills both female members of his family will generate!

Wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Polka, ol' boy!

_________________________________________________________________________________

OK, that's it for this installment!  See you soon!

Excelsior!

Alan

Waxing poetic about the Great Depression

Chances are, you have a grandparent or great-grandparent who lived through that very trying time in American history known as the Great Depression.  If you've ever had the opportunity to listen to a relative who lived through this decade-long ordeal, he or she likely did not paint a rosy picture.  Soup lines, apple carts, and extremely high unemployment were commonplace, especially in the larger cities.  But Americans living in rural America, in some ways, had it rougher than their urban counterparts.  That being said, quite a few of them had skills steeped in self-reliance that were especially helpful during those dark times.  And those who were not so rugged or able-bodied could usually count on a close-knit community to help whenever possible.

If you've ever tuned in to a CBS station on Thursday nights in the 70s, you might have been a fan of that rural family drama set during the Depression, The Waltons.  OR if you were late to the party or hadn't even been born while it was still on the air in primetime, you may have caught reruns on the Hallmark Channel or UP TV, which is how I discovered them.  

Sure, I found the program to quaint and homespun, even corny at times.  But I liked the fact that it showed a close, loving family who faced difficult challenges together living in Depression-era Virginia.  It ran for a total of nine seasons (although I think it should have stopped at six as the show was morphing from a family drama into a soap opera), not counting a number of reunion specials and movies in the 80s and 90s.

I have no ideal what the hell the writers of the Jackie Jokers TV Special I'm featuring in this post were thinking!  Obviously it's a spoof of The Waltons, but the writer was probably sipping brandy Alexanders as he cranked out this tripe.  Not only is it not funny (as if anything Jackie Jokers does IS funny), it's just plain annoying!  Don't believe me?  OK, go ahead and enjoy "The Walltuns" (even the owl in the tree is questioning this deadline-cruncher).

Yeah, OK, "Jack-Boy"!  I'm sure magazine editors and book publishers will be soooo anxious to have a writer named "Jack-Boy" in their respective stables.  

And what's with all the repetition?  Is this supposed to be FUNNY?  See what I mean about annoying?  I seem to recall a certain cartoon character that repeated words and phrases a lot and was just as annoying, if not more:

What was the point exactly?

So Jack-Boy gets tossed out of the family for not pulling his weight and runs off to the "Big City" to become a rich and famous writer.  Yeah, good luck with that, Jack-Boy!  Try getting a job first so you won't end up a starving artist on the street like those two winos in the alleyway.

And you're going to help that robbery victim how, exactly?  By scribbling down the conversation between robber and victim verbatim?  Yeah, don't bother trying to find a cop; jotting down what you hear is MUCH more important!

Of course the Big City newspaper will print your story!  RIIIIIGHT!  You'll have better luck submitting it to Reader's Digest!

Well, there's something else that's needed for television to really take off!  Like, oh, I don't know....multiple TV sets sold to households throughout the country, local TV affiliates to broadcast those television signals to said sets, TV advertising to be the source of revenue, and, most importantly, millions of eyeballs to watch TV programming!  

So in this supposed parody of the Waltons where none of the characters even vaguely resemble those on the actual show, we instead get some kind of alternate universe version where the protagonist makes it big writing TV scripts based on his family rather than books based on said family.  I'm not sure where the writer was going with this story, but it probably didn't help him including it on the resume he sent to Mad Magazine.

I get the feeling that the creative staff at Harvey had no idea where to take the Jackie Jokers character.  First, they start him out on his own solo series; that gets cancelled after 4 issues.  Then they pair him up with Richie Rich for another 48 issues.  But there's only so much Richie can do with a friend in show biz, so some brainiac editor came up with the idea of doing movie and TV parodies featuring Jackie in the lead role.  A great way to fill up pages, sure, but most are poorly executed.  In fact, the Jokers character is poorly executed.  Must have been a pet project of a Harvey family member.  But at least we didn't get a continuing Billy Bellhops series!

___________________________________________________________________________

OK, that's it for now!  See you next time!

Excelsior!

The facts of life are all about youuuuu.....

I'm sure you TV buffs have witnessed the birth or adoption of another child on a long-running family sitcom or drama.  Usually this happens when the youngest of the original clan has experienced a growth spurt and is no longer the cute, funny, adorable moppet you grew up watching.  It's happened with the Bradys, the Huxtables, the Keatons, the Drummonds, and yes, even the Waltons (for one season anyway).  Why? Ratings tend to slip when TV show kids start hitting puberty.  Gotta do something to make the show fresh again.  Sometimes it works, but most of the time....not really.  The Brady Bunch, for instance, was already suffering from bad scripts and sinking ratings by the time season 5 came around.  Unfortunately, the obvious solution was not put into motion early in season 4, that being Carol Brady announcing she's pregnant.  No, the quickie solution was to import a young relative in the form of cousin Oliver halfway into season 5.  Sure, he wasn't the cause of the Bradys getting cancelled, but he sure didn't help!

I am digressing a bit, though.  The point is, Harvey Comics decided to add another character to Richie Rich's world.  Is Richie going to be getting a baby brother or sister?  FORGET IT!  Richie ain't having that!  But the Van Doughs, relations to the Riches, are expecting!  But this being a Harvey comic, there's no way the author of the following story is going to be so blunt and direct regarding the Birds and the Bees.  And we're sure as hell not going to get any graphic visuals!  That's a given!  But join us now as Richie meet for the first time his baby cousin Penny!     

Mater?  Pater?  If I ever called my folks by those monikers, I probably would've gotten smacked!  This is obviously a thing among rich kids.  At least in the world of Harvey Comics.  Anyway, Reggie's parents are oblivious to the presence of their son and nephew, going around mumbling and being deep in thought. 

Even Richie is affected by their lethargic behavior.  Hey, Rich, Regina is your mother; your aunt's name is Vanessa!  And she's obviously too pre-occupied to correct him. 

Yes, what IS going on?  Maybe Mr. Van Dough decide to have a vasectomy.  Or Vanessa is having her tubes tied! One spoiled rotten, mean, bratty kid is enough!  

Say, that's some souped-up ca...hey, WAIT A MINUTE!  What's Richie doing driving?  He can't be more than 11 or 12 years old!  Simple!  He's Richie Rich, bitch!  He can do whatever he damn well pleases!

Aw, that's cute!  Mr. Van Dough gets his consonants backwards!  And since when do doctors take on the role of bellhop?  He better not be expecting a tip! 

Ya know, I have to question the quality of education these rich lads are receiving!

What, was Peewee in the womb for over 5 YEARS???  I know that sex education is a sensitive topic for some, but a five-year gestation term is just plain wrong!

Is Reggie that upset he's not going to be an only child anymore?  Frankly, I'm surprised the Van Doughs decided to have another child!  You'd think they would have learned their lesson unleashing Reggie on the world. 

Is the doctor the only one working this hospital?  Is there a nurses' strike going on?  

Never mind all that!  We're now treated to the first appearance of the next Harvey Comics cash cow (maybe).

Aww, so cute!  Eyes wide open and a full head of hair with just a hint of a blonde dollar sign on her forehead!  

Oh, boy!  We're told to watch for more Richie Rich comics featuring Penny!  I'm looking forward to that about as much as Baby Trixie's adventures in the bland Hi And Lois comic strip, like the example below:

Yep!  Hilarious, right?
_____________________________________________________________________

OK, that's going to do it for now.  I'll try to have the next post up before Thanksgiving!

Excelsior!

Alan