Waxing poetic about the Great Depression

Chances are, you have a grandparent or great-grandparent who lived through that very trying time in American history known as the Great Depression.  If you've ever had the opportunity to listen to a relative who lived through this decade-long ordeal, he or she likely did not paint a rosy picture.  Soup lines, apple carts, and extremely high unemployment were commonplace, especially in the larger cities.  But Americans living in rural America, in some ways, had it rougher than their urban counterparts.  That being said, quite a few of them had skills steeped in self-reliance that were especially helpful during those dark times.  And those who were not so rugged or able-bodied could usually count on a close-knit community to help whenever possible.

If you've ever tuned in to a CBS station on Thursday nights in the 70s, you might have been a fan of that rural family drama set during the Depression, The Waltons.  OR if you were late to the party or hadn't even been born while it was still on the air in primetime, you may have caught reruns on the Hallmark Channel or UP TV, which is how I discovered them.  

Sure, I found the program to quaint and homespun, even corny at times.  But I liked the fact that it showed a close, loving family who faced difficult challenges together living in Depression-era Virginia.  It ran for a total of nine seasons (although I think it should have stopped at six as the show was morphing from a family drama into a soap opera), not counting a number of reunion specials and movies in the 80s and 90s.

I have no ideal what the hell the writers of the Jackie Jokers TV Special I'm featuring in this post were thinking!  Obviously it's a spoof of The Waltons, but the writer was probably sipping brandy Alexanders as he cranked out this tripe.  Not only is it not funny (as if anything Jackie Jokers does IS funny), it's just plain annoying!  Don't believe me?  OK, go ahead and enjoy "The Walltuns" (even the owl in the tree is questioning this deadline-cruncher).

Yeah, OK, "Jack-Boy"!  I'm sure magazine editors and book publishers will be soooo anxious to have a writer named "Jack-Boy" in their respective stables.  

And what's with all the repetition?  Is this supposed to be FUNNY?  See what I mean about annoying?  I seem to recall a certain cartoon character that repeated words and phrases a lot and was just as annoying, if not more:

What was the point exactly?

So Jack-Boy gets tossed out of the family for not pulling his weight and runs off to the "Big City" to become a rich and famous writer.  Yeah, good luck with that, Jack-Boy!  Try getting a job first so you won't end up a starving artist on the street like those two winos in the alleyway.

And you're going to help that robbery victim how, exactly?  By scribbling down the conversation between robber and victim verbatim?  Yeah, don't bother trying to find a cop; jotting down what you hear is MUCH more important!

Of course the Big City newspaper will print your story!  RIIIIIGHT!  You'll have better luck submitting it to Reader's Digest!

Well, there's something else that's needed for television to really take off!  Like, oh, I don't know....multiple TV sets sold to households throughout the country, local TV affiliates to broadcast those television signals to said sets, TV advertising to be the source of revenue, and, most importantly, millions of eyeballs to watch TV programming!  

So in this supposed parody of the Waltons where none of the characters even vaguely resemble those on the actual show, we instead get some kind of alternate universe version where the protagonist makes it big writing TV scripts based on his family rather than books based on said family.  I'm not sure where the writer was going with this story, but it probably didn't help him including it on the resume he sent to Mad Magazine.

I get the feeling that the creative staff at Harvey had no idea where to take the Jackie Jokers character.  First, they start him out on his own solo series; that gets cancelled after 4 issues.  Then they pair him up with Richie Rich for another 48 issues.  But there's only so much Richie can do with a friend in show biz, so some brainiac editor came up with the idea of doing movie and TV parodies featuring Jackie in the lead role.  A great way to fill up pages, sure, but most are poorly executed.  In fact, the Jokers character is poorly executed.  Must have been a pet project of a Harvey family member.  But at least we didn't get a continuing Billy Bellhops series!

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OK, that's it for now!  See you next time!

Excelsior!

Happy Times Are Here Agaaaaaaain!

OK, so that's not how the song goes exactly!  But "Happy Times" apparently is the favorite TV program of one Richard Rich, Sr., billionaire industrialist and father of everyone's favorite macrocephalic wealthy lad, Richie Rich.

So Richie and his pal Jackie Jokers (a kid comedian who spouts jokes that make a Catskill comedian look like Robin Williams) are planning a party for their friends but can't come up with an idea at first.

This is where the show "Happy Times" comes in.  Never heard of it?  No, it's not a Britcom seen occasionally on your local PBS station.  It doesn't exist!  It's Harvey Comics' thinly-veiled version of "Happy Days", a ratings hit for ABC at the time this story was published (cover dated Sept. 1976).  Yep, a sitcom set in the 1950s was one of the biggest hits of the 70s.  Not sure if I should blame "American Graffiti" or the disco craze for the show's success (believe me, many more Americans would have rather hung out at Arnold's than Studio 54).

So iron those poodle skirts, girls!  Guys, slather your jackets with leather oil!  And get ready for (Really?  Do I have to say it?)..."Happy Times"...smh...

Heh...that one was kinda funny, Jackie!  "..in case you feel your house is too small!"  You just might have a future in comedy!

Oh, never mind!  "Sir Lance-A-Little?"  REALLY???  Now I see Century 21 in your future!

I understand knights in the 12th century were of small stature, but THAT small?  And what's with the cone on the front of the helmet?  That. Just. Looks....weird....

Wow, Mr. Rich is easily amused, isn't he? Even the real "Happy Days" wasn't all that funny.  Can somebody change the channel to "Barney Miller", please?

And then we're treated(?) to several scenes of "Funzie" interrogating several guys, trying to identify the perp who dared to touch his precious bike. The artist seems to have captured a decent caricature of Fonzie, but Richie, Potsie, and Malph look like stock Harvey characters.  Either this was drawn on a Friday afternoon or the Harvey family didn't want to push the envelope so far as to get a "cease and desist" letter from Paramount's lawyers.

However, the boob tube sets off a light bulb in Richie's head!  What could it be?

Oh, OK!  Richie decides on a 50s-themed party.  Kids who weren't even born then can totally relate, what with all they've been exposed to watching "Happy Times."  Ah, well, at least the theme won't be based on "All In The Family" or "Maude."  Can you imagine all that screaming and fighting?

And Jackie called dibs on dressing up as "The Funz."  Yeah, whenever I see Fonzie on a "Happy Days" rerun, I always think "Jackie Jokers!"  Now picture me rolling my eyes!

Wow, that's some messed up science there!  This "professor" created some kind of hypno-spray designed to make out-of-work actors think they're really the characters they're portraying.  Be careful there, Prof; you accidentally spray yourself and you'll think you're Woody Allen (neuroses and all)!  Spray your henchman there and he'll think he's Vic Tayback!  STOW IT, FINKY! 

So that's what they're planning with their spray can!  While the Rich family is dazed and confused, they'll be raiding their vaults to the tune of "5 or 6 billion dollars."  Um, probably gonna need more manpower for that kind of haul!  And why do the Riches keep so much cash on the premises?  It's practically an invitation for thieves!  Has Mr. Rich not heard of Switzerland?

Cadbury announces the first of Richie's friends, Kool Katz, neglecting to also announce Kool's overbearing helicopter parent.  Mama immediately corrects him!  What did she ever do to you, Jeeves ol' boy?

Hmm...something is different about Richie and Gloria, but I just can't quite put my finger on it....hmmm......

And while the Elvis impersonator is busy unintentionally insulting Richie's dog, Reggie as Captain Bligh and Mayda as Cher enter the scene...

And here comes Jackie, as promised, as "The Funz."  Hey, were you given permission to ride that bike inside the mansion?  Tire marks, oil stains, both noise AND air pollution, not to mention putting all the other guests in danger of carbon monoxide poisoning?  You were enough of a nuisance with your bad jokes; now this!

And how are Little Dot and Lotta's boyfriend Gerald (hey, slap a cap and some specs onto Richie Rich and you have a whole new character!) able to get away with failing to cosplay as 50s characters?  Wellll...technically Dot IS a 50s character, having made her debut in 1953.  Gerald, on the other hand, didn't make his first appearance until the early 60s.  A head scratcher, to be sure...

Did the estate police have the night off or something?  These guys managed to slip into the mansion basement unnoticed!  Someone's getting fired over this!

Wow, so much going on here in this one panel!  I'm going to have to break this down!  Scroll down a bit, will ya?

As Kool the Elvis impersonator badly warbles one of the King's hits while looking like something out of a Charlie Brown cartoon, Mrs. K questions Reggie's choice of costume. Reggie needs to brush up on his history as Napoleon Bonaparte had long since departed before the 1850s.  However, there may have very well been people believing themselves to be Napoleon confined to asylums across the world in the 1950s, so Reggie could have received inspiration from America's funny farms!

Mr. Rich could have gotten a haircut to  resemble Eisenhower more, but people might have confused him for  1970s TV character Kojak.

And Freckles and Peewee, the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers?  Really?  Takes 9 players to make a baseball team!  Could have gone as Wally and Beaver Cleaver!  Perhaps the writer of this story is still butthurt that the Dodgers moved to LA.  Let it go, guy!

So Mayda arrived as her version of Liz Taylor?  Looks more like Cher to me!

And all Richie and Gloria had to do to transform themselves into Desi and Lucy was get a dye job and remove a hair ribbon?  Seriously?  Hey, Rich, you don't have to cosplay on a budget; I'm sure you can hire people to work on you and your girlfriend to be more convincing as America's sweethearts of the '50s.  At least strap on a conga drum!  Sheesh! 

Yeah, nice bike there, "Funzie!"  I've seen Vespas that were manlier!

And again, we see a half-assed attempt at cosplay; in fact, NO effort was made to make Dollar look more like a collie!  Not even a mane!

What?  Somebody farted?  Don't tell me we have a party "pooper" in the house (pun intended!)?

OK, so the hypno-gas is doing its magic!  Richie now speaks with a bad Cuban accent, Mayda brags about wrapping up production on a movie released at least 20 years prior to this party, and Peewee believes he's Brooklyn Dodgers standout Gil Hodges.  Hey, Freckles, Gil don't need no coaching from you!  Shut it!!!

"Rocking and rolling star?"  Hey, Mama Katz; do us all a favor and stick to watching Lawrence Welk!

And Kool/Pelvis, your suede shoes are white, not green or even blue!  Furthermore, I don't believe Elvis ever had a red Jewfro; just saying...

I can get behind Mr Rich/Eisenhower's mentality; all citizens should engage in the pursuit of happiness!

And Richie/Dizzy, drop the bad accent already!  It's just annoying now!

Despite each other's lack of knowledge or French and English respectively, Reggie/Napoleon and Mr.Rich/Pres. Eisenhower manage to diss each other just fine!  Wait, what?  This exchange reminds me of this classic Looney Tunes bit:

Got it?  Good!  Let's move on!

Yep, totally oblivious to a couple of guys in gas masks trying to crack a safe!  Nothing to see here, folks!

Hey, way to think on your feet there, Prof!  Who ARE those masked men?

Yes, make way, people!  These guys have unmasked themselves, yet no one suspects a thing as the crooked pair waltzed out of there with bags of money in hands!  Wonder if there's security in front AWAY from the air vents!

Mayda/Liz still making with the "mirror mirror" bit.  Is she still in character or is she her usual self?  Who can tell?

Hey, Prez and Napoleon, why are you still talking to one another...IN ENGLISH???  I don't think Scotty beamed down a universal translator to either one of you!  These scenes with you two make no sense!

And Peewee/Gil Hodges hits a line drive, knocking out the crooks in the process!  

Say, Lotta was a guest at the party AS HERSELF!  Why isn't she kicking those guys' asses???

Uh-oh, did somebody spike the punch?  No, the effects of the gas are finally wearing off!

Wow, do you see that look Kool is giving his mama?  Clearly he's weary of her overbearing nature!

Really bad pun there, Jackie!  Now do you understand why your parents set up a college fund?

And as Richie bids his guests a fond farewell, he makes sure they don't forget the theme of the party!  Like a banner inside staring them in their collective faces wasn't enough!

So what's the theme for next year?  A 60s party?  Love beads, peace signs, fringe skirts, and Nehru jackets all around!  See you next summer, kids!  Peace!

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So that's it for now!  Sorry this one took so long!  Such a lengthy story and I didn't want to rush through it!  But it's in the can, so I hope you enjoyed it!  I might feature a Jackie Jokers TV or Movie special next time, so watch for it!  I'll try not to be so long in getting it out!

Till next time,

Excelsior!