According to Charlie's teacher in the film "The Santa Clause," we're suppose to call them "little people."
Personally, I'd use the term "dwarf" or "munchkin," but that's just me being my non-PC self.
Anyway, did you know Little Dot, that sphere-obsessed moppet from the now-defunct Harvey Comics, has uncles and aunts? A lot of 'em! I mean, A LOT!!! So many that Mormon families would go "Damn, that girl has a huge extended family!"
If you've ever read Harvey titles before (whether it be "Little Dot" or "Richie Rich", the latter's titles becoming home to Dot [and Little Lotta] reprints ever since her titles got cancelled, but I digress), you've likely come across stories with Dot visiting various family members who may or may not be siblings of Mr. or Mrs. Polka. And, almost always, said aunt or uncle's name is indicative of that relative's dominant personality or physical trait.
In a post I did a while back (click HERE if you want to have a look), Dot visited her Uncle Branes, the inventor/scientist. A number of stories feature him as well as her Uncle Rush (man's always in a hurry!).
But this post will feature a relative that only early 60s Harvey could get away with. Definitely wouldn't fly in today's social climate. OK, I won't keep you in suspense any longer; Little Dot gets paid a visit by her "Uncle Midget!"
Yep, there it is! One of probably a few time throughout comic book history will you ever see a character with the word "midget" in its moniker. By the way, that's not her uncle sitting on her lap! Read on!
Or it could be one of the voices in your head. Don't you see why your parents are so concerned with your dot obsession? You might be losing your marbles (yes, I know, marbles are dots. Whatever!).
Hey, it's a fun-size Reggie Van Dough! I wonder if her Uncle Branes was doing some cloning experiments with Reggie's DNA (hey, he probably has connections with Rich Labs).
Hey, how did he get in the house, anyway? Parents are likely not home and no one knocked or rang the doorbell. Doggie door, maybe?
Wow, it's like Grand Central Station at the Polka house! Friends and relatives just show up out of the blue unannounced. Lotta probably wants to raid the Polka fridge or something! Midget is looking at Dot's obese friend like "please don't eat me!"
I guess Lotta's hunger pangs(?!?) makes her oblivious to the fact that the "dummy" is alive and breathing. Or maybe she's the real dummy!
Well, that was a short visit, Lotta! Yeah, time's a-wasting; that fridge ain't gonna raid itself!
Both Midget and Dot have a good laugh over how clueless Lotta is. They're probably thinking the same thing Red Forman here is thinking:
And now Dot can put aside learning ventriloquism in time for the show! Midget to the rescue!
I really wouldn't call a charity show in a podunk like Bonnie Dell (the town) "show business." It barely counts as community theater, but whatever...
What, no audition? This charity must be desperate for acts! I could probably get a spot on this show playing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" with my armpits!
Who knew Dot could ad lib on the spot? She take improv classes or something?
The "dummy" IS really talking! Maybe when your head clears from the three Cosmos you had before the show you'll see the "dummy" is flesh and blood.
I don't know what's worse; the phallic props they're using in the act or the lack of detectives in the audience! The red-haired bespectacled guy is on the right track but then derails...
"HI, MOUSKETEERS!"
"HEY!!! THAT'S NO DUMMY, THAT'S A MIDGET!"
You sure, Midget? Maybe they're laughing AT you now! Like Eric Cartman:
And so we close this first (and probably last) story of Dot's Uncle Midget. Dot was clearly too young to leave school and hit the road with her diminutive uncle. Besides, not much of a market for midgets posing as ventriloquist dummies. Not to worry, though; midget tossing would become a thing in about two decades. In the meantime, he can get an agent to help him land roles as an elf, a leprechaun, or Mickey Rooney's stunt double.
That's it for now! I'll try to have another post right before Christmas Day! If not, I want to wish all you loyal fans a Merry Christmas (or Happy Hannukah for our Jewish fans!) and a Happy New Year!
In this installment of Funny Book Funnies, we look in once again on that sphere-obsessed moppet, Dot Polka. Whose idea was this, anyway? Was there some brainstorming meeting within the offices of Harvey Comics sometime in the early 50s? I'd really like to know who thought it would be a great idea to feature a little girl devoted to all things dotted and spotted in her own comic book (not to mention several other eventual titles with the "Little Dot" moniker). Was Dot based on an actual real-life child? If anyone can provide some insight, please feel free to comment below.
In the meantime, here's Little Dot in "Dot's Dandy" (already starting with the bad puns out of the gate!).
I'm not sure what's bugging Mr. Polka more; his daughter bringing up the subject of dots yet again or the fact that Dot is putting Swiss cheese on her pie! Quiche I can understand, but PIE??? Yechhh!!!
And who has pie for breakfast? Again, quiche would probably be more suitable to break one's fast. At least it's not cold pizza with anchovies! Double Yechhh!!!
Mr. Polka's tantrum seems to be a staple of most adult Harvey characters; grown men stamping their feet and flailing their arms when upset about something. It's sorta comical, I guess.
I don't think your scheme to cure Dot of her obsession is going to work, Polka. If anyone's going to be sick of dots, it's going to be you and the missus. More sick than you are now, that is! But Mrs. Polka is all in; just look at that expression on her face!
Oh, yes, please, Mrs. Polka; don't let the important task of baking a cake get in the way of curing your daughter's obsession. It's the only way you can win money for a new hat. Apparently hubbykins didn't get that raise, then you wouldn't have to try and win baking contests to have nice things!
Or maybe Daddy has a mistress he's keeping in an apartment he's renting for her in town. No wonder he can't afford to buy his wife a new hat!
And Mom starts the plan off with a pun "Dot's" not very funny, lady!
Now what are her parents REALLY up to? Looks like her mother is using Dot's enthusiasm for dots to get some cheap labor out of her!
So first we have pie for breakfast and now eggs for lunch! I suppose it's faster and cheaper than calling for pizza delivery!
Yeah, Dot, hurry up! You've got only a few more hours of daylight to be exploited some more!
If you look really, really hard, you can see dots in just about everything! Eventually you'll see them before your eyes without even trying!
So how are you going to refer to your daughter, Mrs. Polka? I suppose "Dorothy" is not out of the question (it is, after all, her given name).
Probably not a good idea, Dot; the cake will taste funny seeing as you put fully-baked cookies into a bowl of raw cake dough. Then there's the concern over salmonella...
Is it really your mom's cake, Dot? You did most of the work! Anyway, good luck!
So Dot had to come up with a name of the cake on the spot! Not bad! You don't even have to give your mom credit for the cake, unless there's some kind of age restriction!
Mr. Polka has returned from the "office" and is greeted by new decor. Looks like Dot is going to have a switch taken to her backside! OR WILL SHE???
Hey, Polka, guess what? Your plan backfired and now your daughter has managed to convert your wife/her mother to the cult of Dotism! Yes, Dot Polka will likely go on to have found a new religion called Dotism!
Wow, that's some baking contest! First prize is 500 bucks??? Looks like Mrs. Polka was able to afford a new hat AND a new wardrobe as well!
So Mr. Polka has quite the dilemma! Both his wife and daughter have an obsession with dots. Maybe it's time to move in with his mistress or start to amass a stack of therapy bills both female members of his family will generate!
Wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Polka, ol' boy!
In this entry, we drop in on Little Audrey clone Dot Polka. You might be familiar with her obsession of all things dotted, spotted, or circular. Stories featuring her having a "dotgasm" can get tiresome after a while (I should know; having spent my youth reading and collecting Richie Rich comics, half of the typical Richie book was dedicated to Little Dot [and Little Lotta] reprinted stories), so this one I'm covering takes a break from the dots (aside from her attire) as young Dorothy drops in on her scientist relative, Uncle Branes.
I have to admit, Branes is probably my favorite among Dot's many uncles and aunts. He's come up with some really cool, although scientifically impossible, gadgets. Why he hasn't been made an offer by Rich Labs I'll never know.
So what cool invention has he come up with this time? Let's peek in and see!
Can't you just smell the innuendo?
Aw, C'MON!!! Some writer at Harvey got inspiration from an x-ray specs ad and ran with it! But why only see through pockets?
As Mike gently grasps Mabel's hand and slowly guides it to his front pocket...
...DOT SPOILS THE SURPRISE!!!
But Mike has other pockets, Dot! Maybe the pen and pencil set wasn't intended for Mabel! Did your snooper glasses check his other pockets? Nope, you were hell-bent on throwing Mike under the bus!!!
And we find that Branes' invention isn't limited to pockets but anything with the word "pocket" in the name like, say, "pocketbook!" Now Dot is throwing Mabel under the bus by revealing the contents of her handbag, namely a letter written by some guy named Fred. Not only is Dot having a ball screwing with her elders but apparently she has prior knowledge of the love triangle involving Mike, Mabel, and Fred! Obviously snoopy long before Branes granted her unsupervised use of his gadget!
Annie looks kinda familiar. Hmmm....could she be Lotta's sister? Same haircut, a bow anchored to the top of her head....only difference is that she's not morbidly obese!
And how does Dot know the compact in Annie's pocket belongs to Annie's mother? And is Dot an expert on the value of ladies' compacts? Not only is she a snoop, she may also be a snitch, running off to tattle on Annie!
And here we see Jay trying to fend off a Bavarian loan shark. Perhaps Dot didn't want to see Jay get his legs broken, so she kindly points out that he's got a huge wad of bills in his left pocket! Violence avoided!
No, Dot, he didn't "forget;" he needed that money for something "more important," like taking it to the track and putting it all on "Wishing Well" in the 5th race! Sheesh!
Well, it looks like Richie Rich is spending the weekend in Bonnie Dell mingling with the commoners! Shouldn't this kid be accompanied by bodyguards?
Anyway, as Dot sets out the next day ready to peek into more pockets, little does she know that word has gotten out about her activities from the previous day! Her friends avoid her like Typhoid Mary.
And what are you worried about, Lotta? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY POCKETS! You afraid Dot's going to blurt out that you wear Hello Kitty granny panties? Dot hasn't pointed out other people's undergarments; why would she start with you? Relax! You're in a Harvey comic! It's cool!
Of course they hate you, Dot! What did you expect? You thought they would spot you coming down the street and say "Hey, here comes Dot! Let's see if she can guess what in our pockets?" You definitely don't want the town perv to approach you with "Hey, Dot, wanna see what's in MY pocket? Just reach in and grab it...heh heh heh!" But again, Harvey comic and code-approved to boot! Not gonna happen!
So you finally realize that you're a "nosey little snoop," eh? Discovered that you not so useful to people, huh? Your obsession with dots was bad enough! But look at the bright side; you have a potential career as a tabloid "journalist." Or maybe borrow some money and open up a Dipping Dots franchise! Whichever!
OK, so that's not how the song goes exactly! But "Happy Times" apparently is the favorite TV program of one Richard Rich, Sr., billionaire industrialist and father of everyone's favorite macrocephalic wealthy lad, Richie Rich.
So Richie and his pal Jackie Jokers (a kid comedian who spouts jokes that make a Catskill comedian look like Robin Williams) are planning a party for their friends but can't come up with an idea at first.
This is where the show "Happy Times" comes in. Never heard of it? No, it's not a Britcom seen occasionally on your local PBS station. It doesn't exist! It's Harvey Comics' thinly-veiled version of "Happy Days", a ratings hit for ABC at the time this story was published (cover dated Sept. 1976). Yep, a sitcom set in the 1950s was one of the biggest hits of the 70s. Not sure if I should blame "American Graffiti" or the disco craze for the show's success (believe me, many more Americans would have rather hung out at Arnold's than Studio 54).
So iron those poodle skirts, girls! Guys, slather your jackets with leather oil! And get ready for (Really? Do I have to say it?)..."Happy Times"...smh...
Heh...that one was kinda funny, Jackie! "..in case you feel your house is too small!" You just might have a future in comedy!
Oh, never mind! "Sir Lance-A-Little?" REALLY??? Now I see Century 21 in your future!
I understand knights in the 12th century were of small stature, but THAT small? And what's with the cone on the front of the helmet? That. Just. Looks....weird....
Wow, Mr. Rich is easily amused, isn't he? Even the real "Happy Days" wasn't all that funny. Can somebody change the channel to "Barney Miller", please?
And then we're treated(?) to several scenes of "Funzie" interrogating several guys, trying to identify the perp who dared to touch his precious bike. The artist seems to have captured a decent caricature of Fonzie, but Richie, Potsie, and Malph look like stock Harvey characters. Either this was drawn on a Friday afternoon or the Harvey family didn't want to push the envelope so far as to get a "cease and desist" letter from Paramount's lawyers.
However, the boob tube sets off a light bulb in Richie's head! What could it be?
Oh, OK! Richie decides on a 50s-themed party. Kids who weren't even born then can totally relate, what with all they've been exposed to watching "Happy Times." Ah, well, at least the theme won't be based on "All In The Family" or "Maude." Can you imagine all that screaming and fighting?
And Jackie called dibs on dressing up as "The Funz." Yeah, whenever I see Fonzie on a "Happy Days" rerun, I always think "Jackie Jokers!" Now picture me rolling my eyes!
Wow, that's some messed up science there! This "professor" created some kind of hypno-spray designed to make out-of-work actors think they're really the characters they're portraying. Be careful there, Prof; you accidentally spray yourself and you'll think you're Woody Allen (neuroses and all)! Spray your henchman there and he'll think he's Vic Tayback! STOW IT, FINKY!
So that's what they're planning with their spray can! While the Rich family is dazed and confused, they'll be raiding their vaults to the tune of "5 or 6 billion dollars." Um, probably gonna need more manpower for that kind of haul! And why do the Riches keep so much cash on the premises? It's practically an invitation for thieves! Has Mr. Rich not heard of Switzerland?
Cadbury announces the first of Richie's friends, Kool Katz, neglecting to also announce Kool's overbearing helicopter parent. Mama immediately corrects him! What did she ever do to you, Jeeves ol' boy?
Hmm...something is different about Richie and Gloria, but I just can't quite put my finger on it....hmmm......
And while the Elvis impersonator is busy unintentionally insulting Richie's dog, Reggie as Captain Bligh and Mayda as Cher enter the scene...
And here comes Jackie, as promised, as "The Funz." Hey, were you given permission to ride that bike inside the mansion? Tire marks, oil stains, both noise AND air pollution, not to mention putting all the other guests in danger of carbon monoxide poisoning? You were enough of a nuisance with your bad jokes; now this!
And how are Little Dot and Lotta's boyfriend Gerald (hey, slap a cap and some specs onto Richie Rich and you have a whole new character!) able to get away with failing to cosplay as 50s characters? Wellll...technically Dot IS a 50s character, having made her debut in 1953. Gerald, on the other hand, didn't make his first appearance until the early 60s. A head scratcher, to be sure...
Did the estate police have the night off or something? These guys managed to slip into the mansion basement unnoticed! Someone's getting fired over this!
Wow, so much going on here in this one panel! I'm going to have to break this down! Scroll down a bit, will ya?
As Kool the Elvis impersonator badly warbles one of the King's hits while looking like something out of a Charlie Brown cartoon, Mrs. K questions Reggie's choice of costume. Reggie needs to brush up on his history as Napoleon Bonaparte had long since departed before the 1850s. However, there may have very well been people believing themselves to be Napoleon confined to asylums across the world in the 1950s, so Reggie could have received inspiration from America's funny farms!
Mr. Rich could have gotten a haircut to resemble Eisenhower more, but people might have confused him for 1970s TV character Kojak.
And Freckles and Peewee, the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers? Really? Takes 9 players to make a baseball team! Could have gone as Wally and Beaver Cleaver! Perhaps the writer of this story is still butthurt that the Dodgers moved to LA. Let it go, guy!
So Mayda arrived as her version of Liz Taylor? Looks more like Cher to me!
And all Richie and Gloria had to do to transform themselves into Desi and Lucy was get a dye job and remove a hair ribbon? Seriously? Hey, Rich, you don't have to cosplay on a budget; I'm sure you can hire people to work on you and your girlfriend to be more convincing as America's sweethearts of the '50s. At least strap on a conga drum! Sheesh!
Yeah, nice bike there, "Funzie!" I've seen Vespas that were manlier!
And again, we see a half-assed attempt at cosplay; in fact, NO effort was made to make Dollar look more like a collie! Not even a mane!
What? Somebody farted? Don't tell me we have a party "pooper" in the house (pun intended!)?
OK, so the hypno-gas is doing its magic! Richie now speaks with a bad Cuban accent, Mayda brags about wrapping up production on a movie released at least 20 years prior to this party, and Peewee believes he's Brooklyn Dodgers standout Gil Hodges. Hey, Freckles, Gil don't need no coaching from you! Shut it!!!
"Rocking and rolling star?" Hey, Mama Katz; do us all a favor and stick to watching Lawrence Welk!
And Kool/Pelvis, your suede shoes are white, not green or even blue! Furthermore, I don't believe Elvis ever had a red Jewfro; just saying...
I can get behind Mr Rich/Eisenhower's mentality; all citizens should engage in the pursuit of happiness!
And Richie/Dizzy, drop the bad accent already! It's just annoying now!
Despite each other's lack of knowledge or French and English respectively, Reggie/Napoleon and Mr.Rich/Pres. Eisenhower manage to diss each other just fine! Wait, what? This exchange reminds me of this classic Looney Tunes bit:
Got it? Good! Let's move on!
Yep, totally oblivious to a couple of guys in gas masks trying to crack a safe! Nothing to see here, folks!
Hey, way to think on your feet there, Prof! Who ARE those masked men?
Yes, make way, people! These guys have unmasked themselves, yet no one suspects a thing as the crooked pair waltzed out of there with bags of money in hands! Wonder if there's security in front AWAY from the air vents!
Mayda/Liz still making with the "mirror mirror" bit. Is she still in character or is she her usual self? Who can tell?
Hey, Prez and Napoleon, why are you still talking to one another...IN ENGLISH??? I don't think Scotty beamed down a universal translator to either one of you! These scenes with you two make no sense!
And Peewee/Gil Hodges hits a line drive, knocking out the crooks in the process!
Say, Lotta was a guest at the party AS HERSELF! Why isn't she kicking those guys' asses???
Uh-oh, did somebody spike the punch? No, the effects of the gas are finally wearing off!
Wow, do you see that look Kool is giving his mama? Clearly he's weary of her overbearing nature!
Really bad pun there, Jackie! Now do you understand why your parents set up a college fund?
And as Richie bids his guests a fond farewell, he makes sure they don't forget the theme of the party! Like a banner inside staring them in their collective faces wasn't enough!
So what's the theme for next year? A 60s party? Love beads, peace signs, fringe skirts, and Nehru jackets all around! See you next summer, kids! Peace!
So that's it for now! Sorry this one took so long! Such a lengthy story and I didn't want to rush through it! But it's in the can, so I hope you enjoyed it! I might feature a Jackie Jokers TV or Movie special next time, so watch for it! I'll try not to be so long in getting it out!
