I'm sure you TV buffs have witnessed the birth or adoption of another child on a long-running family sitcom or drama. Usually this happens when the youngest of the original clan has experienced a growth spurt and is no longer the cute, funny, adorable moppet you grew up watching. It's happened with the Bradys, the Huxtables, the Keatons, the Drummonds, and yes, even the Waltons (for one season anyway). Why? Ratings tend to slip when TV show kids start hitting puberty. Gotta do something to make the show fresh again. Sometimes it works, but most of the time....not really. The Brady Bunch, for instance, was already suffering from bad scripts and sinking ratings by the time season 5 came around. Unfortunately, the obvious solution was not put into motion early in season 4, that being Carol Brady announcing she's pregnant. No, the quickie solution was to import a young relative in the form of cousin Oliver halfway into season 5. Sure, he wasn't the cause of the Bradys getting cancelled, but he sure didn't help!
I am digressing a bit, though. The point is, Harvey Comics decided to add another character to Richie Rich's world. Is Richie going to be getting a baby brother or sister? FORGET IT! Richie ain't having that! But the Van Doughs, relations to the Riches, are expecting! But this being a Harvey comic, there's no way the author of the following story is going to be so blunt and direct regarding the Birds and the Bees. And we're sure as hell not going to get any graphic visuals! That's a given! But join us now as Richie meet for the first time his baby cousin Penny!
Mater? Pater? If I ever called my folks by those monikers, I probably would've gotten smacked! This is obviously a thing among rich kids. At least in the world of Harvey Comics. Anyway, Reggie's parents are oblivious to the presence of their son and nephew, going around mumbling and being deep in thought.
Even Richie is affected by their lethargic behavior. Hey, Rich, Regina is your mother; your aunt's name is Vanessa! And she's obviously too pre-occupied to correct him.
Yes, what IS going on? Maybe Mr. Van Dough decide to have a vasectomy. Or Vanessa is having her tubes tied! One spoiled rotten, mean, bratty kid is enough!
Say, that's some souped-up ca...hey, WAIT A MINUTE! What's Richie doing driving? He can't be more than 11 or 12 years old! Simple! He's Richie Rich, bitch! He can do whatever he damn well pleases!
Aw, that's cute! Mr. Van Dough gets his consonants backwards! And since when do doctors take on the role of bellhop? He better not be expecting a tip!
Ya know, I have to question the quality of education these rich lads are receiving!
What, was Peewee in the womb for over 5 YEARS??? I know that sex education is a sensitive topic for some, but a five-year gestation term is just plain wrong!
Is Reggie that upset he's not going to be an only child anymore? Frankly, I'm surprised the Van Doughs decided to have another child! You'd think they would have learned their lesson unleashing Reggie on the world.
Is the doctor the only one working this hospital? Is there a nurses' strike going on?
Never mind all that! We're now treated to the first appearance of the next Harvey Comics cash cow (maybe).
Aww, so cute! Eyes wide open and a full head of hair with just a hint of a blonde dollar sign on her forehead!
Oh, boy! We're told to watch for more Richie Rich comics featuring Penny! I'm looking forward to that about as much as Baby Trixie's adventures in the bland Hi And Lois comic strip, like the example below:
OK, so that's not how the song goes exactly! But "Happy Times" apparently is the favorite TV program of one Richard Rich, Sr., billionaire industrialist and father of everyone's favorite macrocephalic wealthy lad, Richie Rich.
So Richie and his pal Jackie Jokers (a kid comedian who spouts jokes that make a Catskill comedian look like Robin Williams) are planning a party for their friends but can't come up with an idea at first.
This is where the show "Happy Times" comes in. Never heard of it? No, it's not a Britcom seen occasionally on your local PBS station. It doesn't exist! It's Harvey Comics' thinly-veiled version of "Happy Days", a ratings hit for ABC at the time this story was published (cover dated Sept. 1976). Yep, a sitcom set in the 1950s was one of the biggest hits of the 70s. Not sure if I should blame "American Graffiti" or the disco craze for the show's success (believe me, many more Americans would have rather hung out at Arnold's than Studio 54).
So iron those poodle skirts, girls! Guys, slather your jackets with leather oil! And get ready for (Really? Do I have to say it?)..."Happy Times"...smh...
Heh...that one was kinda funny, Jackie! "..in case you feel your house is too small!" You just might have a future in comedy!
Oh, never mind! "Sir Lance-A-Little?" REALLY??? Now I see Century 21 in your future!
I understand knights in the 12th century were of small stature, but THAT small? And what's with the cone on the front of the helmet? That. Just. Looks....weird....
Wow, Mr. Rich is easily amused, isn't he? Even the real "Happy Days" wasn't all that funny. Can somebody change the channel to "Barney Miller", please?
And then we're treated(?) to several scenes of "Funzie" interrogating several guys, trying to identify the perp who dared to touch his precious bike. The artist seems to have captured a decent caricature of Fonzie, but Richie, Potsie, and Malph look like stock Harvey characters. Either this was drawn on a Friday afternoon or the Harvey family didn't want to push the envelope so far as to get a "cease and desist" letter from Paramount's lawyers.
However, the boob tube sets off a light bulb in Richie's head! What could it be?
Oh, OK! Richie decides on a 50s-themed party. Kids who weren't even born then can totally relate, what with all they've been exposed to watching "Happy Times." Ah, well, at least the theme won't be based on "All In The Family" or "Maude." Can you imagine all that screaming and fighting?
And Jackie called dibs on dressing up as "The Funz." Yeah, whenever I see Fonzie on a "Happy Days" rerun, I always think "Jackie Jokers!" Now picture me rolling my eyes!
Wow, that's some messed up science there! This "professor" created some kind of hypno-spray designed to make out-of-work actors think they're really the characters they're portraying. Be careful there, Prof; you accidentally spray yourself and you'll think you're Woody Allen (neuroses and all)! Spray your henchman there and he'll think he's Vic Tayback! STOW IT, FINKY!
So that's what they're planning with their spray can! While the Rich family is dazed and confused, they'll be raiding their vaults to the tune of "5 or 6 billion dollars." Um, probably gonna need more manpower for that kind of haul! And why do the Riches keep so much cash on the premises? It's practically an invitation for thieves! Has Mr. Rich not heard of Switzerland?
Cadbury announces the first of Richie's friends, Kool Katz, neglecting to also announce Kool's overbearing helicopter parent. Mama immediately corrects him! What did she ever do to you, Jeeves ol' boy?
Hmm...something is different about Richie and Gloria, but I just can't quite put my finger on it....hmmm......
And while the Elvis impersonator is busy unintentionally insulting Richie's dog, Reggie as Captain Bligh and Mayda as Cher enter the scene...
And here comes Jackie, as promised, as "The Funz." Hey, were you given permission to ride that bike inside the mansion? Tire marks, oil stains, both noise AND air pollution, not to mention putting all the other guests in danger of carbon monoxide poisoning? You were enough of a nuisance with your bad jokes; now this!
And how are Little Dot and Lotta's boyfriend Gerald (hey, slap a cap and some specs onto Richie Rich and you have a whole new character!) able to get away with failing to cosplay as 50s characters? Wellll...technically Dot IS a 50s character, having made her debut in 1953. Gerald, on the other hand, didn't make his first appearance until the early 60s. A head scratcher, to be sure...
Did the estate police have the night off or something? These guys managed to slip into the mansion basement unnoticed! Someone's getting fired over this!
Wow, so much going on here in this one panel! I'm going to have to break this down! Scroll down a bit, will ya?
As Kool the Elvis impersonator badly warbles one of the King's hits while looking like something out of a Charlie Brown cartoon, Mrs. K questions Reggie's choice of costume. Reggie needs to brush up on his history as Napoleon Bonaparte had long since departed before the 1850s. However, there may have very well been people believing themselves to be Napoleon confined to asylums across the world in the 1950s, so Reggie could have received inspiration from America's funny farms!
Mr. Rich could have gotten a haircut to resemble Eisenhower more, but people might have confused him for 1970s TV character Kojak.
And Freckles and Peewee, the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers? Really? Takes 9 players to make a baseball team! Could have gone as Wally and Beaver Cleaver! Perhaps the writer of this story is still butthurt that the Dodgers moved to LA. Let it go, guy!
So Mayda arrived as her version of Liz Taylor? Looks more like Cher to me!
And all Richie and Gloria had to do to transform themselves into Desi and Lucy was get a dye job and remove a hair ribbon? Seriously? Hey, Rich, you don't have to cosplay on a budget; I'm sure you can hire people to work on you and your girlfriend to be more convincing as America's sweethearts of the '50s. At least strap on a conga drum! Sheesh!
Yeah, nice bike there, "Funzie!" I've seen Vespas that were manlier!
And again, we see a half-assed attempt at cosplay; in fact, NO effort was made to make Dollar look more like a collie! Not even a mane!
What? Somebody farted? Don't tell me we have a party "pooper" in the house (pun intended!)?
OK, so the hypno-gas is doing its magic! Richie now speaks with a bad Cuban accent, Mayda brags about wrapping up production on a movie released at least 20 years prior to this party, and Peewee believes he's Brooklyn Dodgers standout Gil Hodges. Hey, Freckles, Gil don't need no coaching from you! Shut it!!!
"Rocking and rolling star?" Hey, Mama Katz; do us all a favor and stick to watching Lawrence Welk!
And Kool/Pelvis, your suede shoes are white, not green or even blue! Furthermore, I don't believe Elvis ever had a red Jewfro; just saying...
I can get behind Mr Rich/Eisenhower's mentality; all citizens should engage in the pursuit of happiness!
And Richie/Dizzy, drop the bad accent already! It's just annoying now!
Despite each other's lack of knowledge or French and English respectively, Reggie/Napoleon and Mr.Rich/Pres. Eisenhower manage to diss each other just fine! Wait, what? This exchange reminds me of this classic Looney Tunes bit:
Got it? Good! Let's move on!
Yep, totally oblivious to a couple of guys in gas masks trying to crack a safe! Nothing to see here, folks!
Hey, way to think on your feet there, Prof! Who ARE those masked men?
Yes, make way, people! These guys have unmasked themselves, yet no one suspects a thing as the crooked pair waltzed out of there with bags of money in hands! Wonder if there's security in front AWAY from the air vents!
Mayda/Liz still making with the "mirror mirror" bit. Is she still in character or is she her usual self? Who can tell?
Hey, Prez and Napoleon, why are you still talking to one another...IN ENGLISH??? I don't think Scotty beamed down a universal translator to either one of you! These scenes with you two make no sense!
And Peewee/Gil Hodges hits a line drive, knocking out the crooks in the process!
Say, Lotta was a guest at the party AS HERSELF! Why isn't she kicking those guys' asses???
Uh-oh, did somebody spike the punch? No, the effects of the gas are finally wearing off!
Wow, do you see that look Kool is giving his mama? Clearly he's weary of her overbearing nature!
Really bad pun there, Jackie! Now do you understand why your parents set up a college fund?
And as Richie bids his guests a fond farewell, he makes sure they don't forget the theme of the party! Like a banner inside staring them in their collective faces wasn't enough!
So what's the theme for next year? A 60s party? Love beads, peace signs, fringe skirts, and Nehru jackets all around! See you next summer, kids! Peace!
So that's it for now! Sorry this one took so long! Such a lengthy story and I didn't want to rush through it! But it's in the can, so I hope you enjoyed it! I might feature a Jackie Jokers TV or Movie special next time, so watch for it! I'll try not to be so long in getting it out!
If you've ever read a Richie Rich comic, watched the Saturday morning cartoon or even the live-action movie with Macaulay Culkin in the titular role, you'll know what a mischievous, conniving brat Richie's cousin Reggie Van Dough is. In the following story, Reggie leaves the whoopee cushions and electric hand buzzers at home as he is concerned about his grades in school. Does he decide to buckle down and hit the books? Well, maybe not right away! He gets a few ideas on how to achieve good marks without all that studying junk! Today I present this gem (get it?) from Richie Rich and Gloria #9 (dated July 1979) titled "Theme's Pretty Bad." By the way, why is Richie getting billing for this story. He only appears in about a third of the story. This is more of a Reggie story! Whatever, though; let's go!
Yes, Reggie, the very idea! What's the matter with you? If you're going to bribe your teacher, do it with things like gold, diamonds, and bearer bonds! Stuff that can appreciate in value! Hey, Miss Truly didn't say she wouldn't be bribed, period; just not with cash!
Well, Reg, you didn't go about it in the right way! And you're still not doing it right; you think you have enough money to pay Richie to do your homework for you? He could sell you into slavery if he wanted! Why not try the community college downtown? Bet you'd find a college student in need of a few bucks!
Oh, THAT old trick! Let's copy something out of a book and turn it in as your own! In the real world, kid, you'd be sued for plagiarism! If the original author is no longer alive, there's still the estate you have to deal with!
And here comes Miss Truly on her way to the library as well. Doing some research, teach? Checking out some Harlequin romances or Debbie Macomber? Maybe eyeing some beefcake within those hallowed halls? Good luck with that; you'll just have to settle for Harlequins.
Boy, is she pissed? She goes all She-Hulk on Reggie's plagiarized paper!!! Calm down, lady! Get yourself a man quick!
BTW, anybody know this O. Henry story? It's not quite as well known as, say, "The Gift of the Magi." But to briefly summarize the story, it's about a kid who gets kidnapped and is held for ransom. But the kid is a monster; he's so bratty and obnoxious the kidnappers actually pay the kid's father to take him back! And I do believe this story was the inspiration of a Reggie story where he gets kidnapped and generally makes life hell for his kidnappers. Maybe I'll do a future post on it. For now, back to it!
Most teachers WOULD fail you, Reg! And Miss Truly, you might not want to upload that scowl onto your eHarmony profile!
Oh, just left it lying around in your room, eh, Richie? Anyone can get at it, considering the estate guards must either have the day off or are on strike!
Gee, all that hard work copying someone else's homework and all you get is a "D"? C'mon, Reg, didn't you actually read the thing? You could have made revisions when necessary instead of copying verbatim! Nobody's that frickin' stupid!
You COULD throw Richie under the bus and claim he copied off of YOU!
Ah, I knew it! TEACHER'S PET! TEACHER'S PET!!!
What a cheat? REALLY, Reg??? Three words: pot, kettle, black!
And then it's revealed that Reggie copied one of Richie's papers from probably the second grade! Well, that's just embarrassing! Wasn't Richie's handwriting back in the day enough to give it away? He probably wasn't even writing in cursive yet! Yes, you'd better settle for that "D" or risk failing if you confess!
So to end the story, Reggie pledges to do his own work from now on...or at least until he reaches high school when he discovers Cliff Notes at the bookstore!
OK, that'll do it for now! Feel free to post comments on this or any of my previous entries. I'd love to read 'em!
Next time we'll look at an homage to the classic Disney film Lady and the Tramp....sort of!
