We can't call them "midgets" anymore?

According to Charlie's teacher in the film "The Santa Clause," we're suppose to call them "little people."

Personally, I'd use the term "dwarf" or "munchkin," but that's just me being my non-PC self.

Anyway, did you know Little Dot, that sphere-obsessed moppet from the now-defunct Harvey Comics, has uncles and aunts?  A lot of 'em!  I mean, A LOT!!!  So many that Mormon families would go "Damn, that girl has a huge extended family!"

If you've ever read Harvey titles before (whether it be "Little Dot" or "Richie Rich", the latter's titles becoming home to Dot [and Little Lotta] reprints ever since her titles got cancelled, but I digress), you've likely come across stories with Dot visiting various family members who may or may not be siblings of Mr. or Mrs. Polka.  And, almost always, said aunt or uncle's name is indicative of that relative's dominant personality or physical trait.

In a post I did a while back (click HERE if you want to have a look), Dot visited her Uncle Branes, the inventor/scientist.  A number of stories feature him as well as her Uncle Rush (man's always in a hurry!).

But this post will feature a relative that only early 60s Harvey could get away with.  Definitely wouldn't fly in today's social climate.  OK, I won't keep you in suspense any longer; Little Dot gets paid a visit by her "Uncle Midget!"

Yep, there it is!  One of probably a few time throughout comic book history will you ever see a character with the word "midget" in its moniker.  By the way, that's not her uncle sitting on her lap!  Read on!

Or it could be one of the voices in your head.  Don't you see why your parents are so concerned with your dot obsession? You might be losing your marbles (yes, I know, marbles are dots. Whatever!).

Hey, it's a fun-size Reggie Van Dough!  I wonder if her Uncle Branes was doing some cloning experiments with Reggie's DNA (hey, he probably has connections with Rich Labs).

Hey, how did he get in the house, anyway?  Parents are likely not home and no one knocked or rang the doorbell.  Doggie door, maybe?

Wow, it's like Grand Central Station at the Polka house! Friends and relatives just show up out of the blue unannounced.  Lotta probably wants to raid the Polka fridge or something!  Midget is looking at Dot's obese friend like "please don't eat me!"

                           

I guess Lotta's hunger pangs(?!?) makes her oblivious to the fact that the "dummy" is alive and breathing.  Or maybe she's the real dummy!

Well, that was a short visit, Lotta!  Yeah, time's a-wasting; that fridge ain't gonna raid itself!

Both Midget and Dot have a good laugh over how clueless Lotta is.  They're probably thinking the same thing Red Forman here is thinking:

And now Dot can put aside learning ventriloquism in time for the show!  Midget to the rescue!

I really wouldn't call a charity show in a podunk like Bonnie Dell (the town) "show business." It barely counts as community theater, but whatever...

What, no audition?  This charity must be desperate for acts!  I could probably get a spot on this show playing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" with my armpits!

Who knew Dot could ad lib on the spot?  She take improv classes or something?

The "dummy" IS really talking!  Maybe when your head clears from the three Cosmos you had before the show you'll see the "dummy" is flesh and blood.

I don't know what's worse; the phallic props they're using in the act or the lack of detectives in the audience!  The red-haired bespectacled guy is on the right track but then derails...

"HI, MOUSKETEERS!"

"HEY!!!  THAT'S NO DUMMY, THAT'S A MIDGET!"

You sure, Midget?  Maybe they're laughing AT you now!  Like Eric Cartman:

And so we close this first (and probably last) story of Dot's Uncle Midget.  Dot was clearly too young to leave school and hit the road with her diminutive uncle.  Besides, not much of a market for midgets posing as ventriloquist dummies.  Not to worry, though; midget tossing would become a thing in about two decades.  In the meantime, he can get an agent to help him land roles as an elf, a leprechaun, or Mickey Rooney's stunt double.

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That's it for now!  I'll try to have another post right before Christmas Day!  If not, I want to wish all you loyal fans a Merry Christmas (or Happy Hannukah for our Jewish fans!) and a Happy New Year!

Excelsior!

Alan

I've Got Something In My Front Pocket And It's None Of Your Damn Business!

In this entry, we drop in on Little Audrey clone Dot Polka.  You might be familiar with her obsession of all things dotted, spotted, or circular.  Stories featuring her having a "dotgasm" can get tiresome after a while (I should know; having spent my youth reading and collecting Richie Rich comics, half of the typical Richie book was dedicated to Little Dot [and Little Lotta] reprinted stories), so this one I'm covering takes a break from the dots (aside from her attire) as young Dorothy drops in on her scientist relative, Uncle Branes.

I have to admit, Branes is probably my favorite among Dot's many uncles and aunts.  He's come up with some really cool, although scientifically impossible, gadgets.  Why he hasn't been made an offer by Rich Labs I'll never know.

So what cool invention has he come up with this time?  Let's peek in and see!

Can't you just smell the innuendo?  

Aw, C'MON!!!  Some writer at Harvey got inspiration from an x-ray specs ad and ran with it!  But why only see through pockets?  

As Mike gently grasps Mabel's hand and slowly guides it to his front pocket...

...DOT SPOILS THE SURPRISE!!!

But Mike has other pockets, Dot!  Maybe the pen and pencil set wasn't intended for Mabel!  Did your snooper glasses check his other pockets?  Nope, you were hell-bent on throwing Mike under the bus!!!

And we find that Branes' invention isn't limited to pockets but anything with the word "pocket" in the name like, say, "pocketbook!"  Now Dot is throwing Mabel under the bus by revealing the contents of her handbag, namely a letter written by some guy named Fred.  Not only is Dot having a ball screwing with her elders but apparently she has prior knowledge of the love triangle involving Mike, Mabel, and Fred!  Obviously snoopy long before Branes granted her unsupervised use of his gadget!

Annie looks kinda familiar.  Hmmm....could she be Lotta's sister?  Same haircut, a bow anchored to the top of her head....only difference is that she's not morbidly obese!

And how does Dot know the compact in Annie's pocket belongs to Annie's mother?  And is Dot an expert on the value of ladies' compacts?  Not only is she a snoop, she may also be a snitch, running off to tattle on Annie!

And here we see Jay trying to fend off a Bavarian loan shark.  Perhaps Dot didn't want to see Jay get his legs broken, so she kindly points out that he's got a huge wad of bills in his left pocket!  Violence avoided!

No, Dot, he didn't "forget;" he needed that money for something "more important," like taking it to the track and putting it all on "Wishing Well" in the 5th race! Sheesh!

Well, it looks like Richie Rich is spending the weekend in Bonnie Dell mingling with the commoners!  Shouldn't this kid be accompanied by bodyguards?

Anyway, as Dot sets out the next day ready to peek into more pockets, little does she know that word has gotten out about her activities from the previous day!  Her friends avoid her like Typhoid Mary.

And what are you worried about, Lotta?  YOU DON'T HAVE ANY POCKETS!  You afraid Dot's going to blurt out that you wear Hello Kitty granny panties?  Dot hasn't pointed out other people's undergarments; why would she start with you?  Relax!  You're in a Harvey comic!  It's cool!

Of course they hate you, Dot!  What did you expect?  You thought they would spot you coming down the street and say "Hey, here comes Dot!  Let's see if she can guess what in our pockets?"  You definitely don't want the town perv to approach you with "Hey, Dot, wanna see what's in MY pocket?  Just reach in and grab it...heh heh heh!"  But again, Harvey comic and code-approved to boot!  Not gonna happen!

So you finally realize that you're a "nosey little snoop," eh?  Discovered that you not so useful to people, huh?  Your obsession with dots was bad enough!  But look at the bright side; you have a potential career as a tabloid "journalist."  Or maybe borrow some money and open up a Dipping Dots franchise!  Whichever! 

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That's about it for this entry!  Be back in a while for the next one!  Not sure what's it's gonna be yet, so stay tuned!

Excelsior!